THE EGO AND THE FREE WILL

I have been trying to figure out the mystery of the ego for a long time now. To let go of the ego - what does that mean anyway? And what is the ego?

It´s said that its a bad thing when you are acting out of your ego. Why do we have a ego thrn if its so bad? Isn´t the world supposed to be perfect as it is? Why has this mysterious good God given this handicap of an ego for us to struggle with and spend our lives trying to not use it?

I have asked a few people about it, and of course they gave me vague answers. I still got the impressions that they meant its a bad thing to have a ego and we should let it go. And of course there are alot of books about this to read, and I am sure some of them have come to the same conlusion as I have. Unfortuanelty I have not been able to read much the last years - but getting there...
I finally today got a theory in my mind about what the ego is.

I think the ego is actually our free will. 

Animals usually don´t have egos - they have instinkts. Humans (and maybe a few animals) are the only species as far as we know on this planet that have egos - and free will.
I therefore came to the conclusion that they are actually the same thing, just using different descripton of the same mechanism.

The ego/free will is the ability to choose which path you take in life. To choose between all the diffrent colours in life. To chose the bad, the good and everything in between. To choose to be happy, sad or everything in between. It´s the free WILL. I can wish and dream about anything and because of my free will I will actually be able to go through with it and make it happen.

I have the choice to surrender to the universe and a higher force - become religious or whatever I want to be - and live a life whorshipping something that is outside this physical existience.
Also I have the choice to be a ateist, and only focus on materialism, only on the physical and bodily pleasures.  Or I can choose both! I can even choose to live many lifes within one lifetime. For example a criminal half my life, and religious the rest. So many choices! They are endelss. The bottom line is that everyday I can choose what to have in my life.
The benefit of an ego / free will are obvious!

So... I don´t acutally belive that it is possible to loose the ego anymore, then the only thing you would do if you lost it is to actually make yourself smaller then you are - you would lack a huge part of being a human. You would not be a fully functioning human. The ego is there for a reason. You are supposed to use your free will for something!
If you choose to surrender to a higher purpose - then you are not loosing your ego - you are using it! You are using your free will to let something else decide over your human life at this point in time. That is a very brave thing to do.
I think no matter what we choose in life we are actually using our egos, because we are human - and we have egos no matter what.
Your ego wants control - but you can choose to give your ego a rest, and that´s probably what people mean by "let go of the ego".

Do you think this makes sense? Do you think that ego and free will can be the same?

AM I A HEALER, LIKE JOHAN KAAVEN?

Photo Ann Helen Gjermundsen

Many people I meet ask me if I am related to the famous shaman Johan Kaaven. And yes, I am related to him. He is my great granduncle. The second thing they ask is if I have the same healing powers that he has, and to that there is not an easy answer.

There are relatives that have such skills as he does now still. The powers are still in the familiy. And I think I might be able to access such powers if I wanted to. People in the familiy who do have them choose not to go public about it, and work their healing powers in silence, with the faith that the people who need their help will encounter them. And they only use the powers when they are in situations it is needed, - and not like a profession.

Since I was a child I have been terrified of having such skills as the shaman has. I remember when I was a child I sincerely hoped I would never see the white reindeer, which in sami culture means you are "a chosen one". I was scared of all the responsability that comes with it, and I was scared that I wouldnt be able to enjoy my life as much when I knew things not everyone knows...

But the last 5 years this has changed. When I got ill after 35 years of perfect health and needed to go to surgery,  and I experienced that there are very few people who actually can help me when I truly need it... After this I have been thinking more and more about taking the ideas about other realms seriously.  I mean - I have always had the interest for it, and if it can do good - why not!
A few people have told me that I have a shaman spiritual guide and he is trying to talk to me, but I refuse to listen...  A few years ago I decided I would do my best to take this more serious and change my life in a direction where I actually could live a life where I am more in tune with such possibilities that connection with nature religion and spirituality can take place.

But I know I will never be shaman in a tradional way - like Johan Kaaven and other sami noaidi´s where.
I wouldnt nessacerily call myself a shaman or healer at all. But I think I can make my own magic through music and arts and try to connect with other worlds and powers in my own way.
This has been a very exciting journey for me so far, and of course the fay-realm has a big part of it.

This weekend I am playing a concert at the 100 years anniversary of Johan Kaaven´s death. They have a seminars, exhibitions and movies about him in Lakselv during the weekend. I am honored to pay him this respect and I think it was a great thing to arrange this anniversary. He deserves it! 💛

THE PLACE I AM GOING

Why do I spend my energy trying to achieve something, when it will come naturally in the place I am going? 

Why do I spend my my money on therapies that help me cope with problems that don´t even exist in the place where I am going? 

Why do I spend my life making decisions based on what others have given me as an option when I know there are more the place I am going?

Why do I blame myself for being unable to enjoy myself in unsupporting surroundings, when I can just move on and live in bliss? 

ⒸElin Kåven 2018