lørdag 2. januar 2016

TO A SOULMATE

Tattoo: Arnhild Haagensen. Photo: Mari A. Lorentsen
I have wings tattoed on my back. The reason why I had them tattoed is because I often felt like the reason I am on this earth is to support others, to help them and support them. Like angels do. But often doing this results in my own boundaries being smashed. I felt I was always the one to give and make compromises in relationships. I figured I was just that kind of a person. I wanted wings tattooed to remember what good I have done for others. Even when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me, I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him with his issues, instead of dealing with my own. But who was there for me when I needed someone?

This year has been different. It has been the most chaotic year of my life. Nothing in my life has been certain for me. Everything has changed and it has been a mess, and it´s no understatement saying that it has been the darkest year of my life. I was not in any way capable of making decisions or taking responsabilites of any kind. Looking back on this year, it is the mess you have while tidying up, you know? You have to move things around to get to everything cleaned everywhere.

The travels and experiences I have done, they are all fantastic - but the most important thing that happened this year was meeting you. It changed my life totally. You kept my spirits up, and made me laugh and have fun and feed my dreams and fantasies. You showed me how to live with joy and love for everyone - for the world and everything that is alive. You showed me how to find peace in chaotic situations, and vision in hopelessness. You are nothing less then a saviour to me. I am a giving person, but this year I experienced that I had nothing more to give... I felt you and wanted so much to be there for you - and I had nothing... My fire had burnt out. There was hardly any sparkle left...  my heart ached because of this too. 

Only someone with a spirit and patience like yours could have stood strong through what you went through with me. I support every decision you took with me, and there are no words to describe how relieved I was when you said you forgive me. I already felt bad enough for not being there for you - like you had for me. I realise there is nothing on this earth you can do to hurt me anymore. My love and respect for you is etheral and eternal. It´s in a different dimension. In every dimension. I love your soul and spirit. Nothing you do can ever hurt me anymore, because I know that everything you do is done from love. It comes from love. Either to yourself or to others. This is one of the true valuble things you tought me. And I will never doubt you again.

Everything problematic that happened between us is the result of me lacking the ability to love myself and not trusting the prosess of life.

I accept now (as I knew, but did not accept lovingly) that meeting you was as a gift from the divine universe so that I could get through the last part of the year without destroying myself, my carriere or my life. I would have not made it through with so little damage without you. I see now that life provides me with what I need when I need it. This last month I have been missing you alot, but when I needed hugs and cuddles friends have come over, when I have needed people to talk to I have gotten messages, when I had the need to socialise someone has invited me over.
I trust now that meeting you was the best thing that could happen to me at that point - and I can only hope I have given you any kind of positive addition to your life. I can only wish that someday I can help you the way you have helped me. I feel so deeply for you... I am sure that someday or somehow I will help you, or maybe I have helped you in a previous life... That´s what soulmates are for! I am sure that we will meet again - maybe not this life - but when we do it will be perfect again. I can´t stop smiling with joy thinking of that.

Know that I am doing well now. I have forgiven you and myself, and I hold nothing against you. I have now found what I was looking for, and I feel this new year is an important one for me. I can finally stop chasing and searching. I don´t know how this will show this coming year - but whatever success I have - know that it is yours too, because I would not have been able to do it without your help.

And please know, if there is anything I can help you with if you need something - there is nothing I would not do. The heart I have on now, is because of you. <3 comment-3--="">

RSS