søndag 21. desember 2014
YOU WIN SOME YOU LOOSE SOME
This year started off with my last grandmother and one of my uncles that died november the year before, and since then my life has gone through so many changes both good and bad.
The good stuff is that I have started in sami cultural politics, in march I was chosen leader of the Sami Composers assosiation. I have collaborated with many other artists; Johan Sarah jr., Byrdi, Senjahopen, and Ensemble Noor. And I had my first amazing tour in Germany, and I have started working on my third album. I have taken time to sing more and try to challenge myself more as a singer and likewise I have done alot of spiritual studies and self-contemplation. And I have also taken measures to imporve my business.
And the bad stuff this year is that my body is so full of stress and tense that it has been impossible for me to train dancing or other physical sports. I have basically had to quit dancing, cause it´s been painful - but I have had various treatments - so I hope it gets better.
I have broken up with my boyfriend, and we are moving apart. Hopefully I get to stay in the house we lived in cause I love it, and I really don´t want to move.
Moving back til Finnmark has not been a easy thing to do. I again remember why I had to move away about 16 years ago. These two huge, and many less huge things I don´t want to list here have made my new life in Finnmark the most intense year ever. I seemed to have conflict everywhere I turn, and it has proven very difficult to get funding for my projects, like my next album. I would like to think all these conflict come from me canging as a person. It´s change. I don´t think I am the same person anymore. I am happy this year is over, and I am sooo looking forward to just leave it all behind!
In 2005 when I released my first EP "lahka" one of my best friends died. He took his own life. My Ep release was only a month or so after his death. At that time I felt that he had to die for me to get my biggest wish come true. It felt like he sacrificed himself so that I could get what I wanted in life.
I felt guilty for so many years, and it made me hesitant in pursuing music. It took me a long time to understand that he would want me to keep on doing music, and maybe it wasn´t as bad as I thought it was. I was afraid that if I get too much of what I wanted, others will have to be sacrificed, and I did not want that.
I have had the same feeling again this year, but I try my best not to think like that. I have dreamt for ages about going on tour abroad, and this year I did, but at the same time I had let go of other things in my life that I love. It makes me really think about how important it is that you always do what is the most important to you. Always prioritise in a way that your deepest wishes will win. If you don´t you will only loose. But if you follow your deepest wish - you will still loose, but you will also win!
I hope I am correct to think like that, or what do you think?