A NEW LIFE

I have told you before the last 3 years have been really strange for me. It´s been difficult to keep motivated and the only thing that has kept me going is the love for music and nature. And without you people and some good friends I don't know what or where I would be at this moment. I have some incredible fans who always support me through everything, and they are so caring and loving towards me. They inspire me so much. I don´t feel like calling them my fans - I should find a better word for them, cause they feel more like friends....

Some weird thoughts have gone through my mind, and now I understand why people start using drugs for example. I am happy I made through all this without having to start using drugs for example...  Like anti depressives or sleeping pills, or even suicide or whatever super drastic things. I felt like I needed something like that so many times, but it never got to that - so I am very happy about that. The only thing I know I could have done differently was how I acted towards people that loved me. I didn't even trust them.

After 7 months at home in Alta now - it seems like only a month for me - it has gone by so quickly -  it took me several months to take in everything that had happened - not only the last year but the last 10 years. It has been a unbelievable psychological and spiritual journey - a journey I wanted to share with you - but I didn´t know how. But now I feel ready to share the things I have experienced.

Now - finally -  after 3 years of doing tests and all kinds of treatments, the doctors finally have found that I have a cyst and I need to remove it by surgery. This cyst has given me the symptoms of "burnout" plus the pain that comes with it. I know that this is the main cause if my constant tiredness - although I confess I should take more time off and take better care of myself (which I will from now on). 

But not only this - at the same time I have been going through a lot of emotional stress, and several shamans and therapists have said that what I am going through is something that can be described as a spiritual awakening. My life was torn apart and I felt like I have lost everything - I even felt like I died - and I did die in some ways. The parts of me that I cannot take with me into my new life died, so that the new me could emerge...  

Last year I knew I had to change my life completely. I knew I had to change my lifestyle and everything in my life for me to survive… It is just not working anymore. But the strange thing was that I was living my dream - so why was I not happy… ? The answer to that question is really interesting to me, and I will try to share with you my toughs about it. And I want to do it now - before the answer is clear to myself. Maybe it will be clear to you before it is clear to me… But I want to write all this down now - before I know how it all ends, cause its not over yet - maybe it has only just begun...